txheem
Tsis tshua muaj leej niam leej txiv uas tsis tau tsa lawv lub suab ntawm lawv tus menyuam hauv lawv lub neej. Nws tshwm sim tias peb tsis yog ua los ntawm hlau! Lwm qhov yog kom tawv, rub thiab muab nqi zog rau lawv nrog kev tawm tsam epithets. Hmoov tsis zoo, qhov no tshwm sim txhua lub sijhawm. Vim li cas peb thiaj tawg? Thiab nws puas tuaj yeem sib txuas lus nrog cov menyuam yaus hauv ib puag ncig zoo thaum peb npau taws heev rau lawv?
- “Tsis txhob qw! Yog koj qw, kuv yuav tso koj ntawm no »
- “Vim li cas koj thiaj sawv zoo li tus neeg ruam! Nws mloog tus noog… Ceev dua, rau tus uas nws hais!
- "Ntsuag! Zaum ntsiag to thaum cov laus hais lus »
- "Saib koj tus viv ncaus, nws coj ib txwm, tsis zoo li koj!"
Peb feem ntau hnov cov lus hais ntawm txoj kev, hauv khw, hauv khw, vim tias ntau tus niam txiv suav tias lawv yog ib feem ntawm txoj kev kawm. Yog, thiab qee zaum peb tus kheej tsis txwv peb tus kheej, qw thiab ua phem rau peb cov menyuam. Tab sis peb tsis yog phem! Peb hlub lawv tiag tiag. Tsis yog qhov tseem ceeb?
Vim li cas peb thiaj tawg
Muaj ntau qhov kev piav qhia rau tus cwj pwm no:
- Lub neej tom qab-Soviet yog ib feem ntawm kev liam rau peb tus cwj pwm, uas yog qhov txawv ntawm kev ua phem rau cov menyuam yaus "tsis yooj yim". Peb sim hloov mus rau lub ntiaj teb ib puag ncig peb thiab ua tau raws li nws qhov kev cia siab, yog li ntawd, sim ua kom zoo, peb pounce rau peb tus menyuam. Nws muaj kev nyab xeeb dua li mess nrog lwm tus txiv ntxawm uas cuam tshuam kev txiav txim saib peb.
- Ib txhia ntawm peb tej zaum yuav tsis muaj cov niam txiv zoo tshaj plaws, thiab los ntawm inertia peb kho peb cov me nyuam ib yam li peb tau kho. Zoo li, cas peb ciaj sia thiab loj hlob zoo li cov neeg ib txwm muaj!
- Tom qab qw nrov nrov thiab hais lus thuam, qaug zog, poob siab thiab impotence ntawm cov niam txiv ib txwm muaj feem ntau muab zais. Leej twg paub qhov tshwm sim tiag tiag thiab pes tsawg zaus tus me ntsis tawv ncauj me ntsis taub hau tau ua siab ntev yaum kom coj tus cwj pwm zoo? Txawm li cas los xij, cov menyuam yaus pranks thiab whims yog qhov kev sim siab ntawm lub zog.
Peb tus cwj pwm cuam tshuam li cas rau tus menyuam
Coob leej xav tias tsis muaj dab tsi tsis ncaj ncees lawm nrog kev qw thiab lus tsis zoo. Cia li xav, kuv niam qw hauv nws lub siab - hauv ib teev nws yuav caress lossis yuav ice cream, thiab txhua yam yuav dhau mus. Tab sis qhov tseeb, qhov peb tab tom ua yog kev tsim txom ntawm tus menyuam.
Kev qw ntawm tus me nyuam me yog txaus ua rau nws ntshai heev, ceeb toom rau tus kws kho mob puas siab puas ntsws Laura Markham, tus sau ntawm Parenting Without Whining, Punishment and Screaming.
“Thaum leej niam leej txiv qw ntawm tus menyuam mos, lawv qhov kev tsim kho tsis tau tsim kho prefrontal cortex xa tawm qhov teeb meem txaus ntshai. Lub cev tig rau kev sib ntaus sib tua-lossis-flight teb. Nws tuaj yeem ntaus koj, khiav tawm lossis khov rau hauv qhov tsis txaus ntseeg. Yog tias qhov no tau rov ua dua, tus cwj pwm tau txhawb nqa. Tus menyuam kawm paub tias cov neeg nyob ze yog ib qho kev hem thawj rau nws, thiab tom qab ntawd ua nruj, tsis ntseeg lossis tsis muaj kev pab.
Koj puas paub tseeb tias koj xav tau qhov no? Hauv qhov muag ntawm cov menyuam yaus, peb yog cov neeg laus muaj zog uas muab txhua yam uas lawv xav tau los ua neej nyob: zaub mov, chaw nyob, kev tiv thaiv, kev saib xyuas, kev saib xyuas. Lawv qhov kev nkag siab ntawm kev ruaj ntseg tawg thaum twg cov neeg uas lawv vam khom tag nrho ua rau lawv lub suab qw lossis lub suab nrov. Tsis txhob hais txog flip flops thiab cuffs ...
Txawm tias thaum peb npau taws pov ib yam dab tsi zoo li "Koj nkees npaum li cas!", Peb ua phem rau tus menyuam. Muaj zog tshaj li peb xav. Vim nws pom cov kab lus no txawv: "Kuv tsis xav tau koj, kuv tsis hlub koj." Tab sis txhua tus neeg, txawm tias me me, xav tau kev hlub.
Thaum quaj yog qhov kev txiav txim siab nkaus xwb?
Txawm hais tias feem ntau tsa koj lub suab tsis tsim nyog, qee zaum nws yog qhov tsim nyog. Piv txwv li, yog cov me nyuam sib ntaus sib tua los yog lawv muaj kev phom sij tiag tiag. Lub suab qw yuav ua rau lawv poob siab, tab sis nws kuj yuav ua rau lawv hnov. Qhov tseem ceeb yog tam sim ntawd hloov lub suab. qw ceeb toom, hais los piav.
Yuav ua li cas ib puag ncig txhawb cov me nyuam
Tau kawg, txawm peb tsa peb cov me nyuam li cas los, lawv yeej yuav muaj ib yam dab tsi los qhia rau tus kws kho hlwb. Tab sis peb tuaj yeem paub tseeb tias cov me nyuam paub yuav ua li cas "kwv thaj tsam", hwm lawv tus kheej thiab lwm tus - yog tias peb tus kheej saib xyuas lawv.
Txhawm rau ua qhov no, sim ua raws li ob peb kauj ruam yooj yim:
1. So kom txaus
Yog tias koj xav tias koj poob kev tswj hwm thiab tab tom yuav snap, nres. Tshem ob peb kauj ruam deb ntawm tus menyuam thiab ua pa tob. Qhov no yuav pab koj ua siab mos siab muag thiab qhia koj tus menyuam tias yuav ua li cas nrog kev xav zoo.
2. Tham txog koj tus cwj pwm
Kev npau taws yog tib yam kev xav zoo li kev xyiv fab, xav tsis thoob, kev tu siab, kev ntxhov siab, kev chim siab. Los ntawm kev nkag siab thiab lees txais peb txoj kev xav, peb qhia cov me nyuam kom nkag siab thiab lees txais lawv tus kheej. Tham txog qhov koj xav li cas thiab txhawb kom koj tus menyuam ua ib yam. Qhov no yuav pab nws tsim tus cwj pwm zoo rau nws tus kheej thiab lwm tus, thiab feem ntau nws yuav muaj txiaj ntsig zoo hauv lub neej.
3. Txhob coj tus cwj pwm tsis zoo tab sis khov kho
Yog lawm, tej zaum cov me nyuam coj cwj pwm qias neeg. Qhov no yog ib feem ntawm kev loj hlob. Tham nrog lawv nruj me ntsis kom lawv nkag siab tias ua tsis tau li no, tab sis tsis txhob thuam lawv lub meej mom. Tsau, squatting down, saib rau hauv lub qhov muag - tag nrho cov no ua haujlwm zoo dua li kev thuam ntawm qhov siab ntawm koj qhov siab.
4. Nug, tsis txhob hem
Raws li Barbara Coloroso sau hauv Children Deserve It !, kev hem thiab kev rau txim ua rau muaj kev kub ntxhov, kev npau taws thiab kev tsis sib haum xeeb, thiab ua rau cov menyuam tsis muaj kev ntseeg siab. Tab sis yog tias lawv pom qhov tshwm sim ntawm ib tus cwj pwm tshwj xeeb tom qab kev ceeb toom ncaj ncees, lawv kawm xaiv qhov zoo dua. Piv txwv li, yog tias koj xub piav qhia tias lawv tab tom ua si nrog tsheb, tsis sib ntaus sib tua, thiab tsuas yog tom qab ntawd koj yuav coj cov khoom ua si.
5. Siv kev lom zem
Kuj ceeb tias, kev lom zem yog qhov ua tau zoo tshaj plaws thiab yooj yim tshaj plaws rau kev qw thiab hem. Laura Markham hais tias "Thaum cov niam txiv hnov lus lom zem, lawv tsis poob lawv txoj cai, tab sis, ntawm qhov tsis sib xws, ntxiv dag zog rau tus menyuam txoj kev ntseeg," Laura Markham nco qab. Tom qab tag nrho, luag yog ntau qab ntxiag tshaj squirming nrog ntshai.
Tsis tas yuav tsum ua ob qho tib si rau cov menyuam yaus thiab thov kom tsis txhob muaj kev mloog lus los ntawm lawv. Thaum kawg peb txhua tus yog tib neeg. Tab sis peb yog cov neeg laus, uas txhais tau hais tias peb muaj lub luag haujlwm rau lub neej yav tom ntej.