Today, they write and talk a lot about how to recognize a toxic person — someone who speaks negatively about everything, interferes in the lives of others, poisoning it, devaluing the words and actions of others. But how to understand that such a person is you yourself?
Lawv hais tias lwm tus xav txog peb yuav tsum tsis txhob txhawj peb ntau dhau. Lwm qhov tseem ceeb kuj muaj tseeb: qhov peb pom los ntawm feem coob tuaj yeem hais ntau txog peb tus kheej tiag tiag. Yog tias koj xav paub tias koj qhov kev ua cuam tshuam li cas rau lwm tus, qhov ntawd yog qhov cim zoo.
Cov tshuaj lom tshaj plaws tsis quav ntsej txog tej yam tsis zoo li no. Txog rau lub sijhawm kawg, lawv tsis lees paub tias qhov teeb meem yuav nyob hauv lawv tus kheej. Yog tias koj yog 100% tus neeg muaj kuab lom, ces koj tsis zoo li yuav tsum tau ua tib zoo mloog cov cim ceeb toom uas lwm tus siv los cim ciam teb.
Yog tias koj nkag siab tias qee yam tsis raug hauv koj txoj kev sib raug zoo thiab txaus siab ua haujlwm rau nws, koj yuav pom qhov ua siab loj pom zoo nrog qee cov lus:
- Koj raug kev txom nyem los ntawm kev ntxhov siab hauv zej zog thiab ntshai ntawm kev txaj muag koj tus kheej hauv pej xeem, zam cov neeg thiab thuam lawv, yog li tswj lawv.
- Thaum koj cov phooj ywg tham txog dab tsi tshwm sim rau lawv, koj saib rau qhov tsis zoo es tsis txhob muaj kev zoo siab rau lawv.
- You are constantly trying to set the right path or «fix» someone with whom you have an unimportant relationship.
- Txhua yam koj ua yog txuas ntxiv hais txog nws tus cwj pwm tsis txaus ntseeg, tab sis rau qee qhov laj thawj koj tsis txhob sib txuas lus nrog nws.
- Koj muaj phooj ywg tsawg tsawg, thiab cov uas koj muaj, koj tuav nrog lub tuav hlau.
- Koj qhia kev hlub lossis kev qhuas tsuas yog thaum koj xav tau ib yam dab tsi.
- Xyoo dhau los no, koj yeej tsis tau lees paub rau lwm tus tias koj ua yuam kev, tab sis koj yuav sim kho koj tus kheej.
- Koj txoj kev ntseeg tus kheej muaj ob tug ncej. Koj txawm xav txog koj tus kheej zoo dua, siab dua thiab ntshiab dua lwm tus, lossis koj paub tseeb tias koj yog ib tus neeg txom nyem tshaj plaws thiab tsis tsim nyog.
- Koj tsis tuaj yeem hais tias koj tau nrog ntau tus neeg, tab sis tib lub sijhawm koj paub tseeb tias koj tuaj yeem ntxim nyiam lawv hauv ib txoj kev lossis lwm qhov yog tias tsim nyog.
- Cov neeg tawg nrog koj thiab zam koj.
- Txhua qhov chaw koj tsim yeeb ncuab, txhua qhov chaw muaj cov neeg hais lus tsis zoo txog koj.
- Feem ntau, qhov tob hauv koj paub tias qhov kev raug mob mus sij hawm ntev ua rau koj raug kev txom nyem thiab xav tias tsis muaj zog thiab tsis muaj dab tsi.
Txawm hais tias koj tsis paub koj tus kheej hauv cov nqe lus no, qhov kev xeem litmus uas qhia tias koj yog leej twg yog koj cov lus teb rau ob nqe lus nug. Koj puas yog tus neeg uas tseb qhov tsis zoo hauv lub neej ntawm lwm tus, tab sis tib lub sijhawm koj tswj hwm kom nws tsis txhob rhuav tshem kev sib raug zoo nrog koj? Koj puas paub tias koj ua phem rau lwm tus lub siab, tab sis koj tseem tsis tau thov txim lossis tsis ua?
Yog tias koj teb yog rau ob nqe lus nug, koj tsis nyob ib leeg. Tab sis koj yuav tsum tau mus ntev heev los hloov. Koj qhov toxicity hauv kev sib raug zoo nrog lwm tus yog ib qho kev xav txog koj qhov kev toxicity hauv kev sib raug zoo nrog koj tus kheej.
Kev mob tob tob tiv thaiv koj los ntawm kev sib raug zoo nrog koj tus kheej, thiab qhov no cuam tshuam koj li kev sib txuas lus nrog lwm tus. Qhov no yog qhov koj yuav tsum tau ua haujlwm nrog, qhov zoo tshaj plaws ua ke nrog tus kws tshaj lij. Tab sis thawj qhov yuav tsum ua yog mloog. Yog tias ib tug neeg hais tias koj ua mob rau nws txoj kev xav, tsis txhob teb vim li cas koj tsis ua. Yog tias lwm tus hais tias koj cuam tshuam tsis zoo rau lawv lub neej, muaj feem yuav yog koj. Cov lus zoo li no tsis muab pov tseg rau hauv vain.
You offended others not because you are a bad person — this is your defense mechanism
Of course, it’s not possible to immediately start showing empathy for others. First, try to empathize with yourself. In the meantime, do not change, try — but only as delicately as possible! — stop communicating with those whose life your presence in it negatively affects.
The coming weeks, months, and maybe even years you have to devote to yourself and healing from long-standing injuries. You offended others not because you are a bad person — it’s just your defense mechanism. This, of course, does not justify your actions, but at least explains. This means that you can and should be healed.
Yog tsis yog rau koj tus kheej, ces rau lwm tus. Txhob cia yav tag los kav koj lub neej. Tau kawg, koj tuaj yeem thov txim rau txhua tus neeg uas raug mob, tab sis qhov no yuav tsis daws qhov teeb meem. Koj yuav tsum tau hloov, tsis txhob xav txog qhov tsis zoo rau lwm tus thiab tsom ntsoov rau koj tus kheej.
Xav zoo siab dua, koj yuav dhau los ua me ntsis kinder. Koj tsis muaj kev pab, koj tsuas yog mob hnyav heev. Tab sis muaj lub teeb ua ntej. Nws yog lub sijhawm pom nws.