PSYchology
Cov yeeb yaj kiab "Ib qho excerpt los ntawm kev sib tham hauv online The Art of Reconciliation, Sergei Lagutkin"

Vim li cas nws thiaj sib haum xeeb?

rub tau video

Tib neeg qee zaum sib cav. Nws tsis yog ib txwm tshwm sim ci ntsa iab, thiab tej zaum nws tsis tuaj yeem raug hu ua kev sib cav sib ceg, tab sis kev sib cav sib ceg tshwm sim rau ib khub niam txiv, tsis muaj txoj hauv kev tsis muaj nws. Peb tsis yog telepaths, qee zaum peb tsis nkag siab ib leeg, qee zaum peb tsis nkag siab raug, peb txhais tsis raug, peb pom, twist thiab cov khoom zoo li ntawd. Qhov no yog ib feem ntawm peb lub neej thiab yuav tsum tsis txhob xav txog lwm yam. Nws tsuas yog nees nkaum-xyoo-laus tub hluas ntxhais hluas uas tsis muaj peev xwm xav tias lub neej ua ke yog ib txwm muaj siab rau tus ntsuj plig. Qhov tseeb, txawm tias ib nkawm niam txiv muaj kev sib cav sib ceg thiab sib cav (thiab, nrog qee qhov kev ntshaw, kev sib cav).

Tom qab kev sib cav, cov neeg txawj ntse sib haum xeeb. Tom qab kev sib cav, koj yuav tsum tau txias, tuaj, pib sib tham nyob rau hauv ib txoj kev zoo, lees hais tias koj yog tsis ncaj ncees lawm (feem ntau yog ob qho tib si tsis ncaj ncees lawm) thiab calmly tham txog dab tsi tshwm sim, kos cov lus xaus rau lub neej yav tom ntej. Leej twg mam li nco dheev categorically tsis paub yuav ua li cas (thiab xws li, hmoov tsis, tshwm sim) tsis yog peb tus neeg. Tsis txhob tiv tauj nws.

Saib, kev sib haum xeeb yog mus rau txhua tus neeg raws li ib qho xwm txheej: ib tus neeg los ua ntej thiab muab kev sib haum xeeb. Yuav ua li cas raws nraim nws propose tsis tseem ceeb. Nws yog ib qho tseem ceeb uas ib tug neeg ua thawj kauj ruam. Tam sim no: Yuav ua li cas ib tug neeg yuav teb tau rau qhov kev thov kom muaj kev thaj yeeb nyab xeeb? Los ntawm thiab loj, tsuas muaj ob txoj hauv kev - pom zoo lossis tsis kam.

Thiab yog tias koj tuaj thiab hais, lawv hais tias, cia peb tso, thiab tus neeg teb nrog kev xyiv fab - qhov ntawd yog qhov zoo. Yog tias koj tau mus ze, thiab tus neeg txuas ntxiv pout thiab / lossis xav tau nyiaj tshwj xeeb los ntawm koj, qhov no yog vim li cas yuav tsum ceev faj. Qhov no tsis yog ib txwm yuam kev, qee zaum nws yog qhov tsis ncaj ncees rau kev tso tseg yam tsis muaj xwm txheej rau yav tom ntej, tab sis feem ntau nws yog txoj cai ua kom muaj kev thaj yeeb nyab xeeb ua ntej, thiab tom qab ntawd txheeb nws.

Tab sis lub sij hawm tseem ceeb tshaj yog txawv. Yog tias koj mus ze, muab tso rau thiab tus neeg - mloog! -nws hais tias nws yuam kev, nws kuj zoo siab heev, ua rau tsis muaj qab hau, mus deb heev, raug mob heev, nyem, tsis ua raws li cov lus, thiab lwm yam, ces koj yuav twv yuav raug hu nrog nws ntxiv. Tab sis yog hais tias ib tug neeg - mloog! -hais tias koj yeej liam rau txhua yam, kom koj yuav tsum ceev faj ntxiv, tsis txhob chim siab li ntawd, saib koj cov lus, tsis hais lus tsis tseeb, thiab lwm yam, ces koj yuav tsum nyob deb ntawm tus neeg zoo li ntawd. ua tau.

Yog vim li cas? Ib tug neeg uas, yam tsawg kawg ntawm cov lus, lees paub nws txoj kev koom tes hauv kev tsim koj qhov kev sib cav, hauv paus ntsiab lus nkag siab tias kev sib raug zoo yog ob qho tib si. Thiab hais tias txhua yam uas tshwm sim hauv kev sib raug zoo kuj yog ob qho tib si. Qhov no yog ib tug txiv neej ripe rau kev sib raug zoo. Tej zaum nws tseem tsis tau paub yuav ua li cas nyob hauv lawv, tab sis nws twb kawm tau lawm.

Thiab tus neeg uas paub tseeb tias nws yog koj uas yuav tsum liam rau kev sib cav, uas tsis muaj txoj hauv kev, tsis paub txog nws txoj kev koom tes rau kev sib cav (lossis lwm yam kev sib cav), tus neeg zoo li no, hauv paus ntsiab lus, tsis npaj rau. kev sib raug zoo. Tsis paub tab. Koj tuaj yeem dai thiab muaj kev lom zem nrog nws, tab sis kev sib raug zoo nrog nws yog contraindicated. Nrog xws li ib tug loj kev sib raug zoo yuav tsis ua hauj lwm. Txhob cia siab.

Cia peb sau tseg. Koj tuaj yeem tsim kev sib raug zoo nrog ib tus neeg yog tias nws paub txog nws txoj kev koom tes rau koj qhov kev tsis pom zoo. Nws yog tsis yooj yim sua (txwv tsis pub, senseless, stupid - hloov ib lo lus uas zoo sib xws nyob rau hauv lub ntsiab lus) los tsim kev sib raug zoo nrog ib tug neeg yog hais tias nws liam koj xwb rau tag nrho cov kev tsis pom zoo.

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