The source of a nervous breakdown is often not a global problem or a difficult test, but annoying little things that accumulate from day to day. Especially often we encounter them at work. Are there ways to deal with them, or even use them to your advantage? There is, according to Psychologies columnist Oliver Burkeman.
In psychology, there is the concept of background stress factors. You can find a scientific definition of this concept, but it is easier to get by with specific examples. Think of the colleague at the next table in the office who, when unwrapping sandwiches brought from home, rustles foil each time as if he were playing a timpani solo. Remember the printer, which will certainly crumple one page of your document, no matter how many there are. Think of the department assistant who took it into her head to choose the most stupid song out of a billion popular songs, and to make it the ringtone on her phone. Remembered? All this is the background factors, which, according to psychologists, are one of the main sources of stress.
Why does this piss us off?
And really — why? Well, the rustle of foil, well, an unpleasant song, but nothing catastrophic. The problem, however, is that we are defenseless against these influences. We do a pretty good job of dealing with the annoying things we can expect. Therefore, if the air conditioner hums loudly in the office, then this greatly interferes on the first day of work, but ceases to have at least some significance by the end of the first week. The minor annoyances in question are unpredictable. And the assistant with her phone is behind you when you do not expect it at all. And a colleague takes out a lunch in foil exactly at the moment when you are talking on the phone.
«Put yourself in the place of those who annoy you»
The need for autonomy is one of the most important needs of any of us. And all these small stressors over and over again show us that we are not at all autonomous in our work and are not able to control what is happening.
Yuav ua li cas?
The key word is «do». First of all, it is not necessary to seethe with anger, powerlessly gritting your teeth. If you can change something, do it. Let’s say you know a little about printers. So why not try to fix it so that it finally stops “chewing” the pages? Even if it’s not part of your job responsibilities. And if the song in someone else’s phone is so unpleasant, put on your headphones and turn on the music that doesn’t bother you, but helps.
The second important step is to put yourself in the place of those who annoy you. We all tend to believe that if someone tests our patience, then they certainly do it on purpose. But more often than not, this is not the case. What if the manager at the next table simply does not have enough money for a normal lunch in a cafe? Or does he love his wife so much that he considers himself obligated to eat only what she has prepared? The first is sad, the second, perhaps even cute, but neither the first nor the second definitely has any malicious intent towards you.
«Victory pose» — a straight body position with straightened shoulders — reduces the production of the stress hormone cortisol.
And, by the way, the conclusion may well follow from here that you yourself, without suspecting it, also annoy someone with something. It’s just that no one tells you about it either. But in vain: there is nothing wrong with politely suggesting to a colleague that they wrap their sandwiches not in foil, but in cellophane, or to ask an assistant to turn down the volume of the call. Try it.
Benefit instead of harm
And a couple more helpful tips. Since we have found out that our irritation comes from the inability to control what is happening, why not try to regain control in the available ways? Social psychologist Amy Cuddy has found that body position affects the biochemical processes in the brain. And the so-called «victory pose» — a straight body position with straightened shoulders (and ideally, also with arms spread apart) — reduces the production of the stress hormone cortisol and stimulates the release of testosterone. Try to take this position — and the feeling of control will return.
Or make stressors an excuse to relax. Undertake to practice, for example, deep breathing — feeling how the air penetrates through the nostrils and gradually fills the lungs. This is a very effective way, and the secret in this case is to use annoying factors as a kind of “alarm clock”. As soon as you hear music from the assistant’s phone, start breathing deeply — let her calls become reminders for you to start the «class». By making it a habit, you turn the stressor into a signal for Olympian serenity.